Love in prison is it viable? Is it real? Believe it or not, some people find it fascinating to talk to a prisoner. There are also a lot of individuals that is not in prison who get turned on by having a loving relationship with a prisoner.
It is also surprising to know how many people are pen pals with prisoners; a lot of people are just scared to talk about it. Some non-prisoners relate to them; they would tell the prisoner all their secrets. Other people even open their house for the prisoner if he or she gets released. At some prisons, there are systems in place for an outsider and a prisoner who would want to get married. Personally, I would not become pen pals with an inmate.
There has been a study about why women would fall for dangerous men in prison. The study was conducted by Sheila Isenberg and her book “Women Who Love Men Who Kill” has been featured on CNN, Good Morning America, MSNBC and The Today Show.
A lot of times it is women who were abused by someone they love. It might be a husband or family member. They are in a relationship with a murderer so that they can be in control; they decide when they will visit and when and if they want to take a telephone call. It is women who is educated with Ph.D.’s and who is successful in life. There are some of the women who might be a single mother or poor but what most of these women have in common is that they are Catholic.
Can A Love Relationship Survive Prison?
This is a question that a lot of people would answer differently. I would say a relationship with someone in prison can survive. It would depend on a lot of things. Let’s have a look at some of the battles the couple, and the outside person will face.
Did you know the prisoner before or after incarceration?
Firstly I think it would depend on if you knew that person before they went to prison if also I feel that you should love him or her no matter what. Not to say that you should use your love as an excuse but to learn to support the person that you love and to believe that there is still some greatness in him or her. If you went out and looked for someone to start a relationship with in prison well that is your decision, but there will be a lot of people that will judge you for choosing a killer because there are so many other people to choose from.
How do your family and friends take to someone having a lover in prison?
Some families will even disown their loved ones. If you feel that you can live with knowing that you will only have a relationship with someone that you can only talk to at certain times of a day and on limited time. And here and there a phone call that is ok then. People are generally wired to have someone with them not only emotionally but physical as well.
Missing the closeness
You want to enjoy things in life with your partner and would not be able to have your first Valentines or Christmas together; you will talk to each other with a glass box and a phone between the two of you. For a lot of people that is all, they want just someone on the other end of the glass to talk to. Nobody wants to believe that the people they love have done bad things and therefore we sometimes loose our perspective when it comes to love.
Dealing with stigma dating a prisoner
Love do not choose a race, age or any of the normal society rules that everyone has to obey. It is about understanding, respect, trust, agreement and to know what your partner wants in life. Think about all the normal problems you have in any relationship. With someone who has a relationship with a prisoner, The problems double as they do not only have to deal with normal relationship issues but also society. Family and how the world sees them in general. If you feel that you can overcome all the obstacles to love someone in prison, then that would be your personal decision.
So having a prison spouse means you have to have patience. Especially if your spouse has just been convicted of a crime. Having the patience to sit through the trial to listen to all the horrible things that are being said from the person you love. That not only means patience but loyalty as well. In a prison relationship loyalty is something that is necessary to survive the relationship. As an outsider, it is easy to have another relationship and to have a secret prison relationship. It is however not fair towards the person in prison, and you can end up hurting them and yourself.
Some great positives that come from Prisoner relationships
There are times that everyone gave up on the convicted killer. Then along comes the outside spouse who loves them no matter what. Who constantly have hope and that something that plays a key role in such a relationship.
Never give up hope always believing that somehow there will be a miracle. Without hope, the conversations will be dull and depressing, and at the end of the day, it is a waste of time.
Not only hope but to motivate your partner in prison too. It may sound like a lot of work, but there are a lot of outside relationships that need the same attention. When you look at someone who has a prison relationship, they are sometimes stronger as they have some much to cope with. I think that we can learn good relationship guidelines from them.
It is possible for a prison relationship to flourish. Like any other relationship if both parties are willing to work together they will be happy. The key is, do you want to make this work? If your answer is yes, then it will.
Here is a prime example of love in prison that not only flourishes but grew stronger every day:
This prisoner has been in jail for 23 months; he is married now for four years. 23 Months of those four years he has been in prison. His wife has been asked how they did it. How can she stand to even be close to him? Her first reaction was if you are madly in love with each other the rest comes easy.
She kept in contact with him, now because of the prison calls that is so expensive she said that she tries and take the collect calls. She holds an envelope at home and every now and again when she would take clippings and printouts that her husband is interested in and put it in the envelope and mail it to him. Jokingly she says that since her husband is in jail, the people at the post office know her by name. She would sometimes email him articles and letters.
It is important to send your prison lover or in her case husband, cards for Valentines or Birthday and any special day. For a prisoner, the emails they receive is one of the most important days for them. The other prisoners would joke and tell to her husband she is going to cause the shutdown of the mail room. She sends him so many cards and letters. She said it helps her cope with those special days when he sends her cards and letters back to know that he is still there for her and that he loves her too.
Photos are important she said when her husband first went to prison it was extremely hard for her and throughout the house. She had pictures of him; she would go to the refrigerator and hug his photos. At the beginning of his sentence, she would send him a hundred photos a day. She said that her husband was able to make a photo album with all the photos she sent him, and he is not shy to show the pictures and sleep with it to keep her close.
Phone conversations are important to share your feelings with your spouse. She said tell them if you feel lonely, angry and most of all tell them you love them. She said what helps her is the love talks she and her husband have over the phone, nothing too sexual of course. But it will help with the lonely nights that you feel you could not go on anymore. When she has those lonely nights, she starts to daydream about her husband. She dreams about the times they had together and when he came out of prison what they will do first and what she would say to him. She says that life is precious and short and you should always think about it as much as you can.
When she was not communicating with her husband, she would clean her house. Take part in a community activity, take a class to better herself as a person. And to be the sunshine in someone else’s dark life. To be positive and to keep busy she takes her mind off the difficult time that she is going through.
She is a 51-year-old woman who is a retired nurse, she is legally blind, and she enjoys free-lance writing. When she married her husband, she knew that he committed a crime and that he needs to go to prison. She said that her love is the testament that love can survive in prison. And she wants to inspire people with her story.
There you have it, proof that love can survive prison. I commend her for her bravery to tell her story and to wanting to inspire other women who are currently in the same position. Love can conquer all.